| Welcome to the internet 歡迎來到網際網路 Have a look around
到處看看吧 Anything that brain of yours can think of can be found
你腦子能想像到的任何東西,在這裡都能找到 We've got mountains of content
我們有海量的內容 Some better, some worse
有些好,有些爛 If none of it's of interest to you, you'd be the first
如果這些都不吸引你,那你可能是史上第一個 Welcome to the internet
歡迎來到網際網路 Come and take a seat
來,坐下吧 Would you like to see the news or any famous women's feet?
你想看新聞?還是某位女明星的腳? There's no need to panic
別緊張 This isn't a test, haha
這不是考試,哈哈 Just nod or shake your head and we'll do the rest
你只要點頭或搖頭,剩下交給我們 Welcome to the internet
歡迎來到網際網路 What would you prefer?
你想要什麼? Would you like to fight for civil rights or tweet a racial slur?
你想為民權奮鬥?還是發一條帶種族歧視的推文? Be happy
變得快樂 Be horny
變得X慾高漲 Be bursting with rage
變得暴怒 We got a million different ways to engage
我們有上百萬種方式讓你投入 Welcome to the internet
歡迎來到網際網路 Put your cares aside
把你的煩惱放一邊 Here's a tip for straining pasta
教你一個濾義大利麵的小技巧 Here's a nine-year-old who died
還有一個九歲小孩死亡的新聞 We got movies, and doctors, and fantasy sports
我們有電影、醫生、幻想體育 And a bunch of colored pencil drawings
還有一堆彩色鉛筆畫 Of all the different characters in Harry Potter fucking each other
內容是《哈利波特》裡所有角色互相XX Welcome to the internet
歡迎來到網際網路 Hold on to your socks
抓緊你的襪子 'Cause a random guy just kindly sent you photos of his cock
因為有個陌生男人好心地傳了一張他的XX給你 They are grainy and off-putting
畫質糟糕又令人不適 He just sent you more
他又傳了更多 Don't act surprised, you know you like it, you whore
別裝驚訝,你知道你喜歡,賤貨 See a man beheaded
看個人被斬首 Get offended, see a shrink
被冒犯了?去看心理醫生 Show us pictures of your children
給我們看看你孩子的照片 Tell us every thought you think
把你所有的想法都說出來 Start a rumor, buy a broom
造個謠,買把掃帚 Or send a death threat to a boomer
或給個老一輩的人寄死亡威脅 Or DM a girl and groom her
或者私訊一個女孩,開始馴化她 Do a Zoom or find a tumor in your—
開個 Zoom,或在你身上找到腫瘤── Here's a healthy breakfast option
這裡有個健康早餐建議 You should kill your mom
你應該殺掉你媽 Here's why women never fuck you
告訴你為什麼女人永遠不會跟你上床 Here's how you can build a bomb
教你如何製造炸彈 Which Power Ranger are you?
你是哪一個《金剛戰士》? Take this quirky quiz
做這個有趣的小測驗 Obama sent the immigrants to vaccinate your kids
歐巴馬派移民來給你的小孩強制接種疫苗 Could I interest you in everything?
我可以讓你對所有事都感興趣嗎? All of the time?
永遠都感興趣嗎? A little bit of everything
一點點什麼都有 All of the time
永遠都有 Apathy's a tragedy
冷漠是種悲劇 And boredom is a crime
無聊簡直是犯罪 Anything and everything
任何事、所有事 All of the time
一直都有 Could I interest you in everything?
要不要對所有事都來點興趣? All of the time?
永遠? A little bit of everything
什麼都來一點 All of the time
永遠不停 Apathy's a tragedy
冷漠是悲劇 And boredom is a crime
無聊是犯罪 Anything and everything
所有事、任何事 All of the time
一直不斷 You know, it wasn't always like this
你知道的,事情以前不是這樣 Not very long ago
就在不久以前 Just before your time
在你出生前不久 Right before the towers fell, circa '99
在大樓倒下前,大概 1999 年 This was catalogs
那時只有商品目錄 Travel blogs
旅遊部落格 A chat room or two
一兩個聊天室 We set our sights and spent our nights
我們滿懷期待,度過每個夜晚 Waiting
等待 For you, you, insatiable you
等你,你這永不滿足的你 Mommy let you use her iPad
媽媽讓你用她的 iPad You were barely two
你那時才兩歲 And it did all the things
而它做到所有我們設計的事 We designed it to do
完全照我們的計劃 Now look at you, oh
現在看看你 Look at you, you, you
看看你,你這樣的你 Unstoppable, watchable
停不下來、我們看著也著迷 Your time is now
你的時代來了 Your inside's out
你的內在翻了出來 Honey, how you grew
親愛的,你真是長大了 And if we stick together
只要我們繼續黏在一起 Who knows what we'll do
誰知道我們還能做到什麼 It was always the plan
這一直是計劃 To put the world in your hand
把整個世界放在你手上 Hahaha
哈哈哈 Could I interest you in everything?
要不要來點所有東西? All of the time
永遠都可以 A bit of everything
什麼都來一點 All of the time
一直、一直 Apathy's a tragedy
冷漠是悲劇 And boredom is a crime
無聊是犯罪 Anything and everything
任何事、所有事 All of the time
永遠不停 Could I interest you in everything?
讓你對所有事都著迷? All of the time
永遠? A little bit of everything
每樣都來一點 All of the time
永遠不停 Apathy's a tragedy
冷漠是悲劇 And boredom is a crime
無聊是犯罪 Anything and everything
任何事、所有事 And anything and everything
所有、所有的一切 And anything and everything
所有一切 And all of the time
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